Reflections on an Ambitious Life
About fifteen years ago, I had a realisation that transformed my approach to my professional life.
About fifteen years ago, I had a realisation that transformed my approach to my professional life. It allowed me to break free from a lifetime of subconscious behaviours and redefined how I pursued success. This change shifted my focus and as someone who champions thoughtfulness in leadership, I want to share the progress of a lesson that I reveal at the end and which reshaped my ambitions, in the hope that it might be of interest or indeed of value to others.
Growing Up in a Competitive World
Raised in a modest home in a rural market town in the 1960s and '70s, competition was the air we breathed. Whether at school, job applications, or in life, one found oneself in a race which inevitably pushed one to outshine others. From a young age, society was seemingly training us to measure success by comparison, and I believe it still is today. In my day it was passing the 11Plus, then being graded into school classes, or then comparing ‘O’ and ‘A’ level results, then early salaries, and indeed, more recently we see younger people being seduced by comparing today’s social media metrics. However, looking back I started to see that such relentless competition can not just be a motivation, which cannot be denied, it can also become a source of frustration and anxiety, potentially draining us and clouding our sense of judgement and self-worth. Today I wonder at the stress which school children and younger adults have as a direct result of that sense of comparison and competition.
A Shift in Perspective
Around fifteen years ago, I realised that my true competition was not with others, but with my younger self. This insight freed me from external benchmarks and brought a profound sense of clarity. I began setting goals aligned with my personal values, embracing my own journey without ego.
Now let us all agree that competing with others can be a powerful motivator. It undoubtedly drove me when younger and is probably hard wired to an extent, part of humanity’s survival instinct, but I also think it can lead to people paying too high a cost. A constant cycle of comparing ourselves to others, can lead to stress and burnout, as we push harder and stretch ourselves thin, or for today’s younger generation comparing themselves to the ‘perfect’ social media posts of others, can lead to anxiety and senses of inadequacy, or issues like anorexia or mental health challenges. In chasing external validation, we risk chasing unattainable goals.
Competing With Yourself
Focusing on self-competition means shifting the question from "Am I better than others?" to "Am I better than I was before?" This inward approach is deeply personal and it can be transformative. It encourages reflection on past achievements and challenges and sets a benchmark for future growth. No longer is success determined by external standards but by how much we've evolved. Equally I believe it can change the nature of relationships, because one doesn’t feel the other person is a competitor, someone to be beaten, but simply someone on their own similar path.
Ambition And Ego Reimagined
Ambition, so often tied to outshining others, takes on a new meaning when directed inward. It becomes a quest for self-improvement and potential. This form of ambition isn't about proving our worth to others but about meeting our own sense of worth. It fosters a sense of fulfilment and purpose that isn't dependent on outside recognition. One of the biggest challenges in this shift is quietening the ego. The ego craves comparison, recognition, and status. It urges us to chase praise at the expense of well-being. But in self-competition, the ego loses its grip. Our progress is validated internally, not externally, allowing us to pursue growth with humility and gratitude.
Focusing on competing with ourselves reveals that success is not a final destination but an ongoing process. We become more patient, understanding setbacks as natural steps in growth. Celebrating small victories becomes second nature, fuelling motivation and satisfaction. This approach also means setting goals that reflect personal values rather than societal expectations.
A final Revelation
Shifting from external competition to self-competition was liberating. It let me embrace my own journey with more joy, leaving behind the pressures of ego and external validation. This mindset centred on personal growth and my finding fulfilment within. Competing with a younger self means striving for continuous self-improvement and aligning your ambitions with your true self. This was personally transformational….But, here is where I make my final revelation…
….there is an even deeper truth I wish to share.
After about a decade of living with this philosophy: I found further enlightenment. About five years ago, a set of circumstances made me realise that I should also stop competing with my younger self. It started physically, because after years of being a regular, daily runner and as a result of longstanding effects of my Army service, my legs simply could no longer stand the shock and pounding. Under Dr’s orders, I stopped running and put aside the idea of competing with my younger self physically. What was unexpected was a shift in my thinking, that I no longer needed to compete with my younger self in other ways as well.
Age and experience has made me realise that striving to outdo past versions of ourselves is also not always sustainable, necessary or healthy. It wouldn’t be healthy for me to run like I did in my 30’s, 40’s or 50’s and it isn’t healthy for me to think I can or need to be as driven as I was previously in my other activities. The real insight for me, is understanding that personal growth is not linear and is not defined by surpassing others or by trying to compete with ones own past achievements. Instead, true fulfilment in life comes from embracing where we as individuals are now. We can honour the journey that brought us here, and then try to find contentment in becoming the most authentic version of ourselves today.
The final measure of success is not whether we outshine others, or who we once were ourselves, but whether we can appreciate and find peace in who we are now.
Thank you
Personal Website: www.johnobrien.world - Anthropy Website: www.Anthropy.uk